How Couple Counseling Works For You
Many couples go into couple counseling with the mindset that it is a guaranteed cure for all their problems. They invest all their hope for the relationship with an objective third party who is supposed to somehow turn things around for them one hour a week. Yet, many of them will continue on to a divorce. The good news is others will get exactly what they are seeking.
Obviously, there has to be something that makes the difference between couples that eventually restore the marriage and those that simply fall apart, right?
Many people assume the difference is just in how complicated or hard the issues being dealt with are, but this is in fact untrue. Even the most severe problems have been resolved through therapy.
The difference is that couples who make it work figure out that it isn’t all about just talking out the problems. If you want to increase your chances of making your sessions really work, then consider 3 ways that seeing a therapist can really make a difference.
The first step starts with your own listening skills. It is very easy to go into a session ready to fight for your own perspectives. You get defensive and start thinking about what to say in return rather than just listening closely to what your spouse has to say. Relax and just listen.
From your attitude it goes to your words. Speak honestly and tell your spouse your point of view, no matter what they may think or feel about it. Nothing can be worked out if the real issues are not brought to light, and no one can do that but you.
Finally, forget all the topics that you normally fight about, such as her lack of housekeeping skills or whatever. Those are just cover ups for the real issues tearing you apart, The real issues will be deeper in your emotions, so get real and stop pointing fingers and blaming one another.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
Working things out in couple counseling is ultimately not about the talking. It’s about taking the talking into your everyday life to make the deeper issues all better. This is ultimately what successful couples do to stay together.
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